I know this bloke. He had run away from home as a 16-year-old kid. Been through some tuff stuff, his mum dying of cancer, and not getting on with his dad coz he was grief stricken. Well young Cliff (not his real name) ran away from his ole man, and ended up at my place. I was flatting at that stage of life, as I hadn’t found anyone who would marry me yet. The flat consisted of my younger brother, me, and one other mate, who was a bit like us.
We all loved to live off the land as much as we could to keep the ‘cost of living’ as low as possible. So even though we paid the exorbitant price of 30 bucks rent a week, we dined well through fishing, hunting, and answering the ‘free to a good home’ ads in the local rag (we used a fairly loose definition of “good home”). The best meals however, included a good organic turkey. The neighbour had plenty, and wanted them culled. So the boys went on a turkey shoot.
This is best done at dusk as the turkey’s brain is small and they go to bed early. Cliff was introduced to turkey hunting… our style. We “allowed” this city slicker first shot. Cliff had never held a rifle before, and was shaking with excitement as he was handed a 22. Having been shown how to load and aim (safely), he asked, “How do I shoot it?”
I explained that the turkeys were all perched in bed in the gum trees – it helps that they are relaxed and asleep – the meat isn’t as tuff as when you chase them around the hills frantically. So, Cliff quietly snuck under the gum tree. Above him were the turkeys. I whispered in my hunting voice “get right under it, directly below it and aim the rife straight up, when you’re ready squeeze off the trigger”. Cliff obeyed, too excited to notice the grins on our faces. There he was looking directly up – squinted through the open sights – and BANG, he’d pulled the trigger. We were immediately rewarded (as predicted), with a sight any man would be delighted to see, their good friend and flatmate being generously coated in thick, dark, organic fertilizer. We had discovered this to be the natural reaction of a turkey being hit by a high velocity hunk of lead, and it couldn’t have gone better. The sticky mess which came hurtling down under the force of gravity hit our bro Cliff right in the face! Brilliant! What a great turkey hunt! As Cliff started to wipe the turkey deposit from his face in the grass, the turkey fell from its lofty perch next to him. Cliff was ecstatic, fresh organic meat for the table!